Bonus Hours of Bliss

I was writing my morning pages earlier this week (part of my morning ritual and a practice I learned about in The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron) about how I had “slept in” that day. I had woken up at 8 a.m. For the vast majority of my life, I would have called that getting up early, and now I considered it sleeping in! Such an enormous shift in my thinking has occurred over the past year or so.

As I’ve talked about here before ("How a Morning Ritual Changed My Life," 8/17), when I started improving my sleeping habits in an effort to feel more rested and less irritable, I began to wake up around 7 a.m. without needing an alarm. As long as I had fallen asleep by 11 p.m. the night before, I would feel rested and have plenty of energy all day. Rising a little earlier enabled me to spend that time in peaceful activities that centered me.

I was reflecting on this, and feeling deeply grateful, when something occurred to me. Believe it or not, this was something I hadn’t yet realized. If I used to get up at 9 a.m. most days, and now regularly rose at 7 or 8 a.m., I was gaining at least an hour every day. I was adding time to my life—a minimum of 365 hours each year! THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE HOURS! What?! And I was devoting that time to myself—to stretching, writing, meditating, sitting outside, walking—activities that energized and refreshed me daily. I had reclaimed those hours of unconsciousness and was using them to become more “awake” in my life.

This feels like magic to me, although I know it’s simple math (something that was never my strong suit!). If I live fifty more years, as I hope to, that will be 18,250 additional hours—at least. If I get up at 6… ah, but no. That’s a bridge too far! But 7 a.m. is doable for me on most days, and that would mean up to 730 hours a year, or 36,500 hours over fifty years. Holy cow.

What might you do with an extra hour each day, devoted solely to something that makes you happy? If you aren’t able to wake up any earlier, can you find some “bonus time” during your day—perhaps by cutting down a little on social media or TV?

Even half an hour or fifteen minutes can make an enormous difference in how you feel. Maybe instead of checking your phone, you could check in on yourself: scan your body for any areas of tension, then stretch it out. That can take as little as five minutes—you could fit several of those mini-breaks in throughout the day, and you might be surprised how relaxed you feel afterwards.

Imagine how those extra minutes spent focused on yourself—and the positive changes that will bring—can multiply over the years. Give it a try for a week or two and see what happens!

Look What I Made!

I’m thrilled to announce that my book is out! A Beautiful Morning: How a Morning Ritual Can Feed Your Soul and Transform Your Life is now available on Amazon and my book website, www.abeautifulmorningbook.com! There’s also a Facebook page.

 I'm excited about this book's potential to help people, especially women, take better care of themselves and create more fulfilling lives. A morning ritual can be a powerful transformative tool, and everyone I talked to conveyed such wonderful wisdom and advice. Here’s a brief overview of the book:

Discover the power of a morning ritual to transform your day—and your life. Inspired by her experience, Ashley Ellington Brown interviewed more than twenty women who are living their dreams, such as best-selling author and life coach Martha Beck; author of the blog FHB and Me and great-great-granddaughter of Frances Hodgson Burnett Keri Wilt; horse whisperer and Equus Coach Koelle Simpson; and painter, author, and creativity coach Tracy Verdugo. They share how a ritual can provide space for clarity and inspiration, refresh and restore you, enhance your relationships, empower you to be your best self, and enable you to steer your life with purpose toward a clear vision of what you want.

A Beautiful Morning is about increasing your ability to be, not your ability to do. Productivity is marvelous, but to be calm and centered while you’re productive—that is the essence of a happy life. A Beautiful Morning is filled with an abundance of insights, ideas, and resources you can use right away. It will encourage and support you in creating a daily practice that easily fits your current life and guides you toward increased happiness and fulfillment. You deserve a life you love. A Beautiful Morning can help you create it.

If you’re curious about creating a daily practice, or know someone who might be, check it out!

Love Yourself

Update from the last post: I did walk away from the computer, and I got a marvelous massage, and I took the weekend off. And on Monday, I received new files that uploaded perfectly, so I could move forward. Ha! How about that! So, I will soon be sharing the news that my book is done! Until then, here are some thoughts I had this week:

Wednesday was Valentine’s Day, which encourages us to show our love for our romantic partner. Where is the holiday that encourages us to show our love for ourselves?

Truly, this is so important that we should be reminded every day, not just one day a year. We can’t fully love others if we don’t fully love ourselves. And yet we often treat ourselves terribly. Our needs are always last on the list. “Oh, I don’t have time to _______, I have to work/take care of my children/clean the house/go to the store/cook dinner/do laundry, etc. etc.”

However, as many of us have found out, if we focus solely on taking care of others and neglect ourselves for too long, it will eventually have a negative impact. We get sick, or are constantly tired or irritable (or are sick, tired, AND irritable). Often when this happens, our instinct is to push through, because we are needed. We’re not making it up—we do have tons of obligations and people who depend on us—bosses, coworkers, children, spouses, parents, friends. But our first obligation should be to ourselves. I know it sounds radical. But it’s true.

It’s important to note that we’re worthy of love, just as we are. We don’t have to be constantly productive to prove our worth. We are each born a magnificent soul, deserving of unconditional love. When we give ourselves that love—not demanding anything in return, not trying to “be better,” just appreciating ourselves as is—it makes a huge difference in our lives.

I’ll admit, showing myself unconditional love is something I struggle with daily. I’m a perfectionist and highly self-critical, and as I’ve discussed before, I have the urge to always be doing something to “earn my keep.” But running around like a hamster on a wheel all the time doesn’t feel good. No matter how hard I work, I never cross everything off the list (gah, how I hate that fact!). I never reach that mark of “enough.”

I always feel like I come up short when I tie my value to what I’m accomplishing. If I can wrap my head around the idea that I’m inherently worthy—that I was born enough, and don’t have anything to prove—that feels SO much better. I feel open rather than constricted. Relaxed instead of clenched. Happy instead of apprehensive.

There’s a common saying: When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. The converse is absolutely true: when I’m happy, I can spread that happiness. I’m more likely to be kind and patient with those I love—and even with strangers. So, when you tend to your own happiness, you’re really doing others a service.

What if we all devoted time every day just to showing ourselves some love? Paying attention to our needs and our wants; taking a moment to sit and listen to our inner voice, who often gets drowned out in the cacophony of modern life. I’m not talking about hours each day—just as much time as you can comfortably fit into your schedule. Maybe five minutes, sitting outside while you watch the clouds float by, or fifteen minutes of meditation or yoga or reading—whatever lights you up and makes you feel whole.

Today, take a moment to show yourself some love. Do something you enjoy, or give yourself a treat that that makes you feel amazing. Book that massage! Steal away and read that book! Savor the chocolate! Do it just because—because you are a miraculous, incredible, gorgeous soul who deserves all the love in the world. XXXOOO!

Patience! Wherefore Art Thou, Patience?

Oh, patience! Anyone else have trouble being patient? I am thisclose to getting a printed proof copy of my book in my hands – the physical culmination of ten months of work – and I'm stuck. A "very odd" error in a file I'm trying to upload has customer service stumped. I've been "escalated” to the "tier two" team, which cannot be a good thing. I spent hours at the computer yesterday going through all of the many steps, giddily anticipating the thrill of placing the print order and knowing that my book is finally on its way to me. To be foiled at the second-to-last moment – after weeks of waiting for my final files (again, trying to be patient) – oh! The agony. I know, I know, first world problems.

But it brings up an issue for me that I face time and again: having to be patient. This has never been easy for me, so a while ago I started praying for more patience. I want to be like Marmee in Little Women: unflappable and constantly calm, even in the face of terrible difficulty. So far, not even close.

Recently a friend mentioned that she is always careful what she prays for; that in her experience, when she prays for patience, what she gets is more situations in which she needs to be patient. Aha! So I stopped praying for that, but apparently the half-life on those prayers is quite long.

I know it's a lesson that I will face again and again until I learn it, but it’s so difficult. I guess the best lessons always are. I suspect I'm also being taught that my usual "butt my head against the obstacle until it gives or I fall down" approach is not the best. Certainly there are times when persistence and hard work are needed, but I tend to view any setback or delay as something to be attacked with increased vigor, rather than accepted.

It's all tied in to my productivity complex, which I've talked about here before. I simply don't feel right if I'm not being productive when there is something left to do. But – here's the problem – there's always something to do! The list is neverending. I can't possibly get it all done, even if I work around the clock. And we all know what happens to us with all work and no play. But I have such a difficult time playing or simply resting during the weekday. On the weekend, sure (after all the household chores are done, lol!). But Monday through Friday? It's a very tough sell to my inner taskmaster.

I have had the experience, though, of taking a break from something (usually when I had no choice) and reading or going for a walk, then coming back to a resolved situation or the answer I'm waiting for. So I know that sometimes, that can work. I also know how much better I feel when I alternate periods of concentrated effort with periods of R&R. And truly, if I'm in a situation that requires waiting on someone else, doing something fun helps the time pass much more quickly than moving on to another joyless task so that "at least I'm still doing something.”

Today I am walking away from my computer with the knowledge that I've done all I can on this project, and it's time to wait for the cavalry to arrive. I will go get a massage, and if there's no news after I get home, I will do something fun with no guilt. I will not stew, or complain (anymore than I already have today!). I will channel Marmee and be a virtual beacon of patience shining for the whole world to see. Well, I will try, anyway.

If you're facing any sort of similar challenge, I wish you piles of patience and a speedy resolution!

Be Your Note

I found this lovely Rumi poem the other day and it really resonated with me. I can be plagued with self-doubt, especially about whether or not my creative work is valuable and helpful. If you ever have that feeling, perhaps it will encourage you to continue on, as it did me.

Each Note

God picks up the reed-flute world and blows.

Each note is a need coming through one of us

a passion, a longing-pain.

Remember the lips

where the wind-breath note originated,

and let your note be clear.

Don’t try to end it.

Be your note.

I’ll show you how it’s enough.

Go up on the roof at night

in this city of the soul.

Let everyone climb on their roofs

and sing their notes!

Sing loud!

Jalāl, Al-Dīn Rūmī. “Each Note.” The Essential Rumi. Trans. Coleman Barks. San Francisco, CA: Harper, 1995

Dreams for 2018

Yesterday I received Sonia Sommer’s weekly email newsletter; in it, she called this week between Christmas and New Year’s the “bridge between years.” What a lovely idea. It does feel like that—neither here nor there, a sort of limbo between past and future. It’s a time for rest and reflection—which is good, because that’s all I feel like doing! I don’t know how your year was, but mine felt astonishingly busy. And while much of the work was enjoyable and fulfilling, it still has left me a little worn out and in need of a break. And after baking, cooking, and cleaning my way through Christmas, I am really ready for some good, old-fashioned lying around! I spent Tuesday curled up with hot tea and a novel. Ahhh!

I’d like more of that all throughout 2018. I’ve been so productive over the past few years; I’d like to lie fallow for a while. I have a huge stack of amazing books I’ve been gathering, and I want to read them—and truly take the time to absorb their messages. I want to read, and think, and write just for myself. I want time to be fully present with my husband and son. Instead of rushing through my days, I want to move intentionally, with calm purpose. I want a more creative year in terms of having fun, making art, and creating just for creating’s sake. I want to play more and be more free. I want to travel and explore, learning and growing through new experiences.

2018 feels momentous to me—like it will be a really fun year of change from the ordinary routine. Yes, please! I’ve been such a good, hardworking, business-before-pleasure kind of girl. I’m ready to let loose a little! Or perhaps a lot—who knows?

I feel like this book I’ve been reading, The Lotus and the Lily, and the process it is guiding me through will help facilitate that (see previous post, “Forgiveness Is the Cash”). In a few days I will make an Intention Mandala, setting down my dreams for the new year. This book has led me on a fascinating mental journey over the past several weeks. I actually can’t wait to finish it so I can re-read everything and cement all the concepts in my head.

I’m ready to leave behind all my old baggage and step lightly and joyfully into 2018. How about you? What sort of dreams are you dreaming? I hope that you get everything you wish for and more! Happy New Year!

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Forgiveness Is The Cash

Forgiveness
Is the cash you need. 

All the other kinds of silver
really buy just strange things. 

Learn from those addicted lovers
of gold and opium - 

they cannot jump high or
laugh long. 

Forgiveness is part of the treasure you need
to craft your falcon wings. 

Everything has its music.
Everything has genes of God inside. 

--Hafiz

I’ve been reading The Lotus and the Lily: A 30-Day Soul Program by Janet Conner, which draws from the wisdom of Jesus, Buddha, and the mystics to help you “unveil and create the life you really want.” The book is divided into weeks with different themes: first you look at your past and work on letting go what might be holding you back; then you look toward the future.

On the first day of week three, which focuses on forgiveness, the author quotes the poem above by Hafiz. It really struck me. I want falcon wings! I want to be able to soar high above, unencumbered by anger, resentment, and regret. I’ll be honest—week three, which I’m currently in, is kicking my ass. I never thought of myself as one who holds a grudge, but I’ve come to see that I’ve retained a lot of anger over things that happened in my past, and I’m finding some of it very hard to let go.

Conner talks about having a “dungeon” deep inside us, where we’ve imprisoned all of the people we’re angry with. One of the exercises is to visualize this dungeon, to descend the cold, dark stairs, see who you have jailed, open the cell doors, and let them out. Then fill the space with white light so that it is no longer a dungeon. I was amazed to find who I had trapped down there! People I hadn’t thought of in years! Some were very easy to release. Others, not so much. And then finally, I came to the last, worst cell—and in it was me. Of course! Because at the heart of all I can’t forgive is my own actions, or inactions. All of my judging, criticism, regret, and resentment starts at home, in my head, directed against myself.

If you’re anything like me, you criticize yourself constantly, without even realizing it. We’ve internalized the voices of external figures in our childhood, and now they berate us all the time. I’ve talked about this before, and the need to show yourself compassion and love. Now I really get it. If I can’t stop criticizing myself, I can’t stop criticizing others. If I can’t love myself, I can’t fully love others. If I can’t forgive myself, I can’t forgive others. Conner talks about this in depth, and has some wonderful ideas for achieving self-forgiveness.

It is my goal to get through this week in the book and finally be able to completely forgive myself, and then to be able to forgive everyone else I need to. Because I can feel it holding me back—all this anger, and frustration, and resentment is like a giant black vampire inside me, sucking up my energy. I’m tired of lugging all of that around. I’m ready to release it, to forgive, and to earn my falcon wings so I can soar into 2018.

How about you? Do you have prisoners stashed away inside you? Have you imprisoned yourself? Perhaps it’s time to open those doors and free everyone. I wish for you unconditional self-love, self-forgiveness, and self-compassion. I wish for you the most glorious, healthy, happy, abundant holiday season and New Year you could possibly have. Here’s to the freedom of forgiveness!

The Restorative Power of Retreats

What a difference a year makes! I recently returned from Lucky Star Art Camp, and while I was there I reflected on how much I’ve changed since I first attended in November, 2016. I have stretched myself way beyond my comfort zone, beginning with going to Lucky Star last year completely alone and not knowing a soul in advance. I was scared, but proud of myself for doing it anyway. I also had been feeling a deep yearning to be creative, but had no idea how and zero confidence in my ability. And, I felt silly, selfish, and irresponsible to be spending time and money on something that was not “productive” or “purposeful.”

Then I took my first class, began to loosen up, and gradually learned to let go and enjoy the process for what it was giving me rather than focusing on what I created. I also discovered how friendly, open, and supportive everyone was, and how delightful it feels to be surrounded by kindred spirits united in a common goal of creating and connecting.

This year, I felt way more comfortable from the beginning, and I was much more relaxed in my approach to the classes. (At least I had gotten better at stemming the rising tide of performance anxiety and ignoring that critical voice in my head.) I’ve been channeling my creativity into my book project over the last six months, but had been missing the hands-on fun of making art. It felt so blissful to dive in to each of my classes and be fully present in the moment.

 I made beaded necklaces, learned watercolor and whimsical lettering techniques, and played around with acrylic paint while sitting by the river. I did acquire some skills, but I also practiced letting go of my expectations, which was way more valuable.  I was even able to display some of my creations during “show and tell” the last evening of camp. They weren’t perfect or professional, but I was still proud—and putting my imperfect art out for all to see was quite an accomplishment for me.

What makes Lucky Star so special? Certainly the people are a huge factor—from creator Lisa Hamlyn Field and the team of family and friends helping her, whose enthusiasm and energy are contagious, to the gracious and generous staff of Camp Waldemar, to the inspiring creative souls who teach the classes, to the fun and supportive women who attend—everyone contributes to making the experience unforgettable. Sitting around the campfire at night, telling jokes, sharing, and singing along as the resident singer/songwriter Mandy Rowden plays her guitar—you feel like part of a vibrant sisterhood. That sort of connection with other women can be lacking in our hectic lives, and it’s so vital.

Also, the setting is spectacular. Waldemar is a restorative, spiritual spot. You feel it the minute you turn into the drive: the peace, the beauty, the history, the magic. On the last afternoon I lay for hours next to the river, listening to the waterfall downstream and watching the breeze blow through the cypress trees. Horses came down to drink and splash around. Small groups of women were gathered at different spots, talking and making art. It was a powerful tonic. I am so envious of the girls who get to spend months there in the summer.

And then there’s the food! I’ve never had such nourishing, delicious meals in all my life. The staff prepares everything with tons of love, and it shows. They make every dish so tasty and appealing, I find myself eating way more than I usually do at home! But as another camper noted, mysteriously, we don’t gain weight while we’re there. Despite eating three large meals a day for nearly four days (and dessert! at lunch AND dinner!), I’m not any heavier when I come home. We theorized that it’s because the food is prepared both healthily and lovingly, and that our creative exertions burn a lot more calories than you’d imagine!

I had thought that perhaps I’d built up last year’s experience in my mind, making it seem much more wonderful than it really was—but no, it was just as incredible as I’d remembered. I’m so glad I went back and immersed myself in that magic once again. I feel creatively recharged and personally restored. I remember now that retreats like this do have a purpose—they renew our spirits so that we can return to our lives with fresh energy and enthusiasm. It’s not irresponsible or silly. It may be selfish, but in the best sort of way—taking care of oneself is necessary for a good life. I talked with one camper who said her husband was so struck by how happy she was after coming home from camp her first year that he insisted she go every year. It makes a real difference in the quality of our lives—and our loved ones’ lives—when we are happy, and activities like this fill us up. I can’t wait for next year!

Making Bad Art Is Good for You!

Tomorrow I leave for Lucky Star Art Camp! I’m so excited to be giving myself this gift for the second year in a row. Last year, I was nervous—I didn’t know anyone else and wasn’t sure what to expect. But I quickly discovered a wonderful group of kindred spirits—women of all ages coming together to feast on creativity (and some really excellent food)! And the setting was magical—a working girls’ summer camp on the banks of the Guadaloupe River, complete with campfires and horseback riding! I left camp last year rejuvenated, with a new awareness of just how much joy making art gives me.

Last year, before I found out about Lucky Star, I kept feeling a pull to paint. I was tired of working with words all the time and wanted to make something with my hands. I wanted a creative experience that allowed my mind to relax, to find that feeling of flow. I began messing around with acrylics and watercolors, and had fun even as I cringed at my lack of ability.

When I found out about Lucky Star and signed up for it, I thought I’d get some guidance there on how to make better art so I could stop feeling embarrassed about my creations. But what I actually learned was infinitely more powerful and useful.  I learned how to give myself permission to make bad art—to just create for the sake of creating, regardless of the results. We were shown how to do the crafts in the various classes, but the emphasis was on enjoying ourselves while we were learning, as opposed to trying to “get it right.” The point was to feel that thrill of making something, not to judge what we made.

While I was initially intimidated because of my lack of art experience, this relaxed approach helped me open up and begin playing around.  I discovered that the process of creating was what really made me happy: process, not product. And isn’t that what life is really about? How many times have we heard, “it’s the journey, not the destination”?  When I finally let go of self-judgment and anxiety about how I was doing, it was amazing. While I was making art, I felt full of joy. I was calm and centered. It was pure pleasure for pleasure’s sake, which feels decadent when you’re a goals-driven adult!

It was exhilarating to not worry about being productive. In regular life, I tend to pack as much as possible into each day, and I feel like I’m slacking if I relax or do something just for fun during the “work” day. But I know that it’s actually essential to take that time for myself. All work and no play makes me not only dull, but also impatient, resentful, and tired. After I came back from camp last year, I made the commitment to spend some time creating each week—and I actually managed to do it for most of the year!

But the past few months have been incredibly busy, and I haven’t done any art in a long time. I miss it, and I’m craving that bliss again. I’m also craving the freedom of four days away from responsibility, with all meals provided! That will be sweet indeed. I’m so grateful to Lisa Hamlyn Field for dreaming up this amazing camp. After I return, I’m sure I will have a whole fresh set of insights to share!

Do You Ever Have Trouble Taking a Break?

I have been working very hard on writing a book for about the past five months. The manuscript is now with the editor, and I have turned my focus to the elements of production and promotion. It’s all quite overwhelming, and I feel like my brain is totally fried at this point. What I really need is a break, but I can't seem to give myself one. I feel compelled to keep going, as much as possible every day, so that I can meet my deadline. Since I am self-publishing, it is a completely arbitrary and self-imposed deadline—but I will still feel like a failure if I don't meet it.

On the one hand, I'm proud of myself for persevering in the face of difficulty and mental fatigue. But on the other hand, I seem to have lost the ability to take a break. Each weekend I tell myself I’m going not going to do any work, and then I feel fidgety until I finally give in and so something.

However, we are going to the beach this weekend, and I am not taking my laptop, and I am not taking my notes. I am going to do my very best to put all of this out of my head for three whole days. I know it's going to be a struggle, but I feel like it's necessary for me at this point.

Many people I admire say that doing less is often more productive than pushing through and doing more. I'm going to experiment with that this weekend and hope that they are right! I think a lot of times we put too much pressure on ourselves. A life coach I've worked with named Carla Robertson calls it “SIMU”—“stuff I made up.” I keep thinking all of these things are vital and have to happen right away, when the truth is, they can actually wait.

I hope that you are also able to take a break this weekend from whatever you may be struggling with, or working too hard on. Give yourself some rest and relaxation. I will certainly be trying to achieve that. Ha—I’ll be trying to rest. Sigh. Wish me luck!